On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
