Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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