oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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