Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
