Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
