Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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