you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
