Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My day in three words: secret purse cake
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
