Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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