really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
only you would photoshop your dick
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
