I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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