He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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