You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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