So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
