Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
