Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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