i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
