There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
