after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
