He kissed a someone with a penis
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
