I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
