sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
