Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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