drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
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