the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
