I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize