I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
