he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
