Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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