He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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