Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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