as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
