Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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