dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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