I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize