That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
