It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
