Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
It's Friday. Sex?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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