I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
