OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
