peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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