I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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