She is in my trunk
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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