i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
