dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
third nipple confirmed
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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