Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm at about main and main street
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
