Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
