she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
