I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
