Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize