john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
