We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
