if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
