if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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