I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So apparently I’m into choking now
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