Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
