Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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