Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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