You smell like stripper and shame
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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