i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
