Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Randomize
