Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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