I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
