I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I had to cum in my sink.
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