I'm gonna have a badass scar
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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