I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I need to sanitize my soul.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
