I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
