Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize