oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
