I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I would ride that face into the sunset
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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