I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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