Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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