i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
