Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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